CONTEMPLATIONS OF AN EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIR: A DIDACTIC (Part 2)
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Apologies to my readers who have been following my
writings and have patiently waited for this article with feverish anticipation
and anguish. I would like to believe that you have had enough time to mentally
journey through to your own predicted end. Any form of conjecture about how
this interesting story ends is anyone’s guess and as such perfectly within the
frame of events.
Before proceeding to distil some words of wisdom (in Part
3) to my four targeted audience mentioned in Part 1 of this interesting story,
I must inform my readers that I had a brief hiatus from working on the Parts 2
and 3 of this account to write, “The Ultimate Leak”, “Free Press or
Foolishness” and three tranches of “Gambling – Addiction or Choice”. I am sure
some of you have had the chance to read these articles. Feedback is always
appreciated.
In my previous article (Part 1), I mentioned that by the
third day of the course Frederick Brown and his new friend had hit it off. The
evening of that day, which was a Wednesday could not end more quickly for the
next day’s lectures to begin. At home, he could not wait for day to break.
There was added motivation to go back in the morning to further fortify this
new found affection.
On Thursday morning, Freddy’s new found friend whom he nicknamed
as Noon-Fantasy happened to come to class just after he had walked in. They
just could not stop chatting before the lectures began. The break sessions
including lunch afforded them vital opportunities to further cement this
blossoming ‘dalliance’.
After class, they were off to this glitzy and grandiosely
fashioned restaurant for dinner. Fortunately or unfortunately, Freddy’s wife
was feuding and was neither bothered where he was nor what was happening to me.
It was his chance to stay outdoors without worry. He knew his ‘madam’ would neither
ring nor text in this ‘overdrive’ mood she was in.
Like I said earlier, he was more than willing like a
possessed fetish priest, to say and do all the right things for Noon-Fantasy. He
had made a smashing impression the day before and he could not afford to put a
foot wrong.
So they found themselves in this ambience that can be best
described as oozing an inimitable romantic appeal. The candles in this
dimmed-up restaurant seemed to burn for a lifetime. The courtesy displayed and
warmth afforded by the waitresses seemed to be part of the bill they had to pay
at the end. Money, off course was no barrier on an occasion like this. These
waitresses went about their work with such panache that could only merit
admiration. It was reminiscent of an accomplished and well extolled orchestra’s
bravura. They must have felt the magnetism of the emotions that was emanating
from them and sought to only play their part in ensuring a noteworthy climax.
Being sat opposite this all-alluring, ‘well-crafted’ and
‘endowed’ beauty, this dinner seemed to be fit for a king and queen of all
classes. Noon-Fantasy radiated so much oomph Freddy could not help but feast his
eyes on her incessantly. He had truly been enamoured by the prepossessing image
of his inamorata. The dim lightening also contributed to his seeing of
fictional images that even if he saw during broad daylight would not justify or
be worthy of any criticism. One could bet a million men would have either seen
the same images or even more. It was like a fairytale that existed in time, now
being played in real life. He could not believe his ‘chance’. It was a scene
best reserved for movies and he occasionally wondered whether he was either in
the cinema or day-dreaming. The candid reality though, was that the feeling was
too good to be true. It was a romantic dinner for two people who seemed to have
been fashioned for each other and fate had only orchestrated a chance meeting.
They had some interesting exchanges that night. However, Freddy
confided that the magnitude of the vows that he had taken before God and all the
witnesses was too grave for him to cross the line. He left her without doing
anything untoward. The first text from her that evening was that: “You are a
gentleman.”
In keeping with my pledge in Part 1 that I am motivated
to write this article based this interesting narrative and pray that the ideas
enunciated prove a didactic, I now focus on this all-important segment. Having
had this wakeup call, Freddy had to adopt a lateral and rational thought
process to his life and the way forward. This approach very much fits in with
my championed idea of ROOT MENTALITY as against BRANCH MENTALITY in my circles.
There is nothing like coming face to face with an issue
that one knows the best answer to and still finding themselves in an ambivalent
position. A situation that requires you to make some hard decisions that you
would rather avoid. Such decisions are complicated by the fact that, what your
head believes is right is contrary to what your heart longs for or vice versa.
It then feels like your life is split into two warring factions and an
armistice could not come faster enough to avoid a pyrrhic victory from
occurring as a prognosis.
BRANCH MENTALITY vs. ROOT MENTALITY
I now focus the discussion on root mentality as against
branch mentality and how it relates to the discourse. To avoid this article
from becoming too lengthy, I would be as brief as possible. For those who would
like to understand the subject better, you may return after completing this
article, to click on this link (http://franksilverson.blogspot.com/p/branch-mentality-vs-root-mentality.html).
This article only gives a brief summary with a more detailed analysis on my
blog.
Freddy’s wakeup call was a real eye opener to alert him
of a drift in his life. At that point, remaining undecided was not an option. He
would have gladly taken that option if it was on the cards. Freddy had two
strategies to solve or ameliorate this situation; apply either branch mentality
or root mentality.
I define branch mentality as encompassing a
decision-making process, and on a broader scale, a pattern of life that focuses
on ephemeral gains and solutions. Root mentality on the other hand is more
concerned with taking a long-term view to issues and life in general.
BRANCH MENTALITY (BM)
usually deals with symptoms and what can be readily seen, such as the branches
of a tree. It is usually an easier option on the surface but more costly in the
long term. Such a mentality would require patching up over and over again as a
particular situation may keep recurring. This approach also adopts a short-term
view to actions and appears to be usually the least expensive in the short-term
but becomes more expensive over the long-term. BM involves less mental strain
and may lead to thinking through options in a haphazard manner and making decisions
on the spur of the moment. It borders on parochialism and thus focuses on a
section or a part of the picture whilst ignoring the bigger picture.
Another key characteristic of branch mentality is that it
borders on escapism and hardly takes note of reality. The downside of this type
of mentality is that you may appear to have a quick fix now but you can expect
to deal with the issue for a lifetime.
In applying this to our story above, Freddy had the
choice to either continue basking in the ephemeral buzz from this new
friendship and use it as a crutch to limp through other issues or wake up to
the realisation that his marriage required more work and that it would not sort
itself out. He surely needed to apply root mentality to this situation.
ROOT MENTALITY (RM),
in contrast to Branch Mentality, deals with the causes – what cannot be readily
seen, like the roots of a tree. It uses the symptoms to discern that there are
causes and further investigates the causes behind the symptoms. It is a more
difficult option in the short term but gets easier with time. This approach is
synonymous with the saying, “a stitch in time saves nine” and as the Good Book
states, “catch the little foxes that ruin the vine”. Yes, catch the little
foxes now before they become giants that would be hard to kill. This approach
therefore adopts a long-term view to issues whiles keeping an eye on tomorrow,
with the knowledge that yesterday’s actions will splash like waves of the
shores of tomorrow for a season. It maintains that you reap what you sow and
today’s actions are usually rewarded tomorrow.
Root Mentality involves more mental strain but it is more
beneficial and rewarding than branch mentality. It involves thinking through
your options in a logical manner whilst abhorring rush decision making. It
looks at the bigger/whole picture and usually guarantees a much longer lasting
solution. In essence, what RM advocates is that you deal with the ‘roots’ and
that failure to do so will cause the ‘plant’ to sprout again at the ‘scent of
water’.
So here was Freddy, faced with an interesting choice
between two opposing worlds. Would he choose to continue being the well
respected family man that he was or be found to have gone astray? He had to
weigh the potential gains against the losses. He went on a mental journey
through all the possible options and arrived at a conclusion that he was very
proud of. It was not an easy decision considering what he had to walk away
from. In any case, he promises to make that same decision over and over again
as that was the most sensible option arrived at through the application of root
mentality.
I am sure someone reading this story is in a quandary
between sticking to that wife or husband you have come far with, or you may be
thinking about going for a new person. If someone says that the ephemeral boost
to ego and self-esteem that new friendships bring does not feel good then they
are lying. Have you ever met someone new and wondered where they had been
hiding all this while and why you did not meet them before you met your spouse?
The grass usually seems greener on the other side and it
sure does feel greener at times but it is not always green and you may be
actually going from frying pan to fire. It can be argued that ephemeral
pleasures and lusts must be viewed through the spectacles of their lifelong
consequences.
If you are reading this, then by all means learn
something as it may stand you well either today or tomorrow. I shall return in
Part 3 with some real words of wisdom for my targeted audience.
